Damon Wayans is a comic force behind the show In Living Color, the FOX show that launched many show business careers. Over the years he has appeared in such films as Celtic Pride, Major Payne, Punchline, Roxanne and Blankman.  His big gig is writing for television and film as well as performing stand-up around the country.

Some of his lines are:

I found out one of my old partners, Larry, is in jail now.  Larry got 25 years for something he didn’t do.  He didn’t run fast enough.

When I want to see people I grew up with, most of the time I just go to the morgue.

They strip search you in jail.  Dudes sit in a booth and looks up my butt.  Right away I’m thinking, “What in the world am I gonna put up my butt that I’m gonna use again?  Like what I’m supposed to get inside?  “Alright, who wants gum?”

I can’t play no slave.  I got three kids, man  How my kids going to respect me if they see me playing a slave?  “Little Damon, you get down off that chair before I spank your behind.”  “Yeah, you were’t so tough when mastuh was kicking your ass.”

I realize that what I need to do is start being more aggressive because I don’t want to be one of these celebrities that just becomes a recluse.  That’s when you start hanging out with monkeys and stuff.

I had a great childhood growing up even though we was crazy poor  We was like P.O. We couldn’t afford the O. R. That is how po we were… I remember nights we didn’t eat. We had sleep for dinner.

My brother’s trying to get me to fast.  My brother said, “You gotta fast, like, every month so you can pure your system.”  You know what?  When we was back in the projects, we fasted.


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