maintaining your tires will make you a safer driver - comedy guys defensive driving blog

(Our guy Tom Lenaghen as a very unique sense of humor,
and it’s obvious all through this article about tire maintenance.
Please let us know what you think of this.)

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Your tires are the only part of your vehicle that actually touches the road when you drive.

Unless you’re one of the lucky few who have a Flintstones car.

In which case, according to the Hanna-Barbera owner’s manual, you should still trot your car down to the quarry once a month so your tires can get a good chiseling.

For the rest of use, it takes less than 5 minutes a month to keep your tires at their best.

Which is good. You don’t want to spend too much time with your tires. It could lead to a strange and twisted relationship.

Remind me to tell you about my cousin Douglas sometime.


Tire Maintenance: Air Pressure

Incorrect air pressure is the leading cause of tire damage.

It has also ruined a number of perfectly good bounce house parties I’ve attended.

To avoid tire damage you need to check your air pressure once a month. Perhaps on the same day you meet with your parole officer. Or priest.

Also remember tire pressure should be the same for tires on the same axle but may be different on the front and rear axle.

Check the air pressure before you drive the car, when the tire is cold. Air pressure changes as the temperature changes. Air pressure goes up in warm weather and down in cold weather.

This is true of many things. It’s why most people honeymoon on the beach and not the mountains.

It is of the utmost importance to make sure your valve caps are tightly closed to protect the valve from dirt and prevent it from leaking.

Protect the valve at all cost. Replace missing valve caps without delay! This means now! Right now! What are you doing? Don’t stand there! Go replace your valve cap!! Do it now!! Run!! For the love of God, run!!

The correct tire pressure is listed in the owner’s manual or on the edge of the driver’s side door, also on the door post.

The air pressure listed on the side of your tire is not the correct air pressure for your vehicle. It’s the number of calories you will consume if you’re ever forced to eat your tire. Keep in mind that that amount is only for the tire itself. It does not include any condiments or toppings you may use.


Tire Maintenance: Tread Depth

You also want to be sure your tires have the proper tread depth.

The easiest way to check tread depth is by using the Penny Test. Anyone can tell you that. Well, not anyone. Stupid people and apathetic drivers probably couldn’t.

By the Way…

Rutherford B. Hayes was the
original choice to be on the penny,
but he had the largest head of any
president in our nation’s history.

To get even a reasonable facsimile
of it on a coin, the penny would have
to be the size of a manhole cover.

What is the Penny Test, you ask?

Hey, you must be one of the aforementioned. Well, at least you know it.

Hold a penny in the tread of your tire. If part of Lincoln’s head is covered by the tread, you’re good. If you can see Lincoln’s whole head, you should buy a new tire.

Also check your tires for uneven wear.

If you think you have uneven wear, get to your tire dealer.

Or your tailor.


Tire Maintenance: Tire Rotation

You should also have your tires rotated. Your owner’s manual will tell you how often. Probably every 6000 to 8000 miles.

When are you going to start figuring these things out for yourself? What’s wrong with you?

42 years old and still living in the attic. Your mother and I can’t take this anymore.



Tire Maintenance: Check the Spare

Remember to check the air pressure on your spare tire regularly.

The one in your trunk, of course. Not the one around your waist.

Feel free to let that one get flat if you want. And if you manage it, please tell me how.